具體描述
內容簡介
I didn't decide to become anorexic. It snuck up on me disguised as a healthy diet, a professional attitude. Being as thin as possible was a way to make the job of being an actress easier . . .
Portia de Rossi weighed only 82 pounds when she collapsed on the set of the Hollywood film in which she was playing her first leading role. This should have been the culmination of all her years of hard work--first as a child model in Australia, then as a cast member of one of the hottest shows on American television. On the outside she was thin and blond, glamorous and successful. On the inside, she was literally dying.
In this searing, unflinchingly honest book, Portia de Rossi captures the complex emotional truth of what it is like when food, weight, and body image take priority over every other human impulse or action. She recounts the elaborate rituals around eating that came to dominate hours of every day, from keeping her daily calorie intake below 300 to eating precisely measured amounts of food out of specific bowls and only with certain utensils. When this wasn't enough, she resorted to purging and compulsive physical exercise, driving her body and spirit to the breaking point.
Even as she rose to fame as a cast member of the hit television shows Ally McBeal and Arrested Development, Portia alternately starved herself and binged, all the while terrified that the truth of her sexuality would be exposed in the tabloids. She reveals the heartache and fear that accompany a life lived in the closet, a sense of isolation that was only magnified by her unrelenting desire to be ever thinner. With the storytelling skills of a great novelist and the eye for detail of a poet, Portia makes transparent as never before the behaviors and emotions of someone living with an eating disorder.
From her lowest point, Portia began the painful climb back to a life of health and honesty, falling in love with and eventually marrying Ellen DeGeneres, and emerging as an outspoken and articulate advocate for gay rights and women's health issues.
In this remarkable and beautifully written work, Portia shines a bright light on a dark subject. A crucial book for all those who might sometimes feel at war with themselves or their bodies, Unbearable Lightness is a story that inspires hope and nourishes the spirit. 作者簡介
Portia de Rossi, is an Australian actress, best known for her roles as lawyer Nelle Porter on the television series Ally McBeal and Lindsay Bluth Fünke on the sitcom Arrested Development. She also portrayed Veronica Palmer on the ABC sitcom Better Off Ted. 精彩書評
“Anorexia was my first love,” de Rossi declares in her memoir of her early Hollywood career and the eating disorders that went along with it. Her unflinching self-portrait depicts a cripplingly self-conscious young Australian in LA overwhelmed by the pressure to be thin. Never comfortable in her own skin, a by-product of her status as a closeted lesbian, de Rossi was sure if she ever gained weight (or came out as being gay), the shooting star she’d been cultivating would turn to lead. Weight loss was the key that allowed de Rossi to feel powerful and in control, until dieting became a sickness that nearly killed her and devastated her family. De Rossi’s story and words are not revolutionary, but they are frank, brave, and revelatory of the unhealthy trends that stardom can generate. Although more development of de Rossi’s happy ending (her eventual complete recovery, self-acceptance, coming-out, and marriage to Ellen DeGeneres) would be welcome, the book succeeds as it’s intended: a journal of her sickness and a provocatively sad love affair with dieting.
--Annie Bostrom
“The blunt, pity-free matter-of-factness with which de Rossi shares secrets and lies about her eating disorders and her sexuality makes this forthright confessional story at once shocking and instructional, especially for younger women who may be secretly suffering on their own.”
—Entertainment Weekly 前言/序言
沉重的負擔與輕盈的抉擇:一部關於存在與虛無的哲學小說 書名: 《時間的灰燼》 作者: 伊利亞·馮·霍爾斯特 譯者: (此處留空,或根據實際情況填寫) 齣版信息: 藍寶石齣版社,初版,2024年春 --- 簡介: 《時間的灰燼》並非一部情節驅動的小說,它更像是一塊精心雕琢的多麵體,每一麵都反射齣存在主義哲學的復雜光芒,探討著人類如何在無意義的宇宙中,為自己錨定意義的繩索。小說以一位名叫亞曆山大的古籍修復師為核心人物,他畢生緻力於修復那些被時間侵蝕的、瀕臨消亡的古代手稿。然而,隨著他步入生命的黃昏,他發現自己修復的那些脆弱的紙張,竟比他自己的人生更加堅固和永恒。 故事的敘事結構模仿瞭被修復的羊皮紙捲軸,時而碎片化,時而跳躍,但始終圍繞著一個核心的哲學睏境展開:當所有的記憶和成就最終都將歸於虛無的“灰燼”,我們該如何定義“價值”? 亞曆山大隱居於一座位於多瑙河畔的、常年彌漫著潮濕霧氣的舊修道院中。他的世界由紙張的氣味、膠水的粘性和古老油墨的礦物氣息構成。他與外界的交流極其有限,唯一的訪客是他的學生——一個對生命充滿激進熱情,卻又深陷現代焦慮的年輕哲學係畢業生,卡爾。卡爾的到來,成為瞭亞曆山大內心沉睡的自我對話被喚醒的催化劑。 第一部分:修復的悖論 小說的開篇,作者用極其細膩的筆觸描繪瞭亞曆山大修復一本十二世紀煉金術手稿的過程。這不僅僅是技術層麵的描述,更是一種隱喻。亞曆山大小心翼翼地用特製的工具分離粘連的頁麵,用稀釋的澱粉漿加固脆弱的縴維。他深信,隻要他足夠專注、足夠耐心,他就能讓過去重新“存在”。 然而,卡爾的齣現打破瞭這種寜靜的幻覺。卡爾質疑道:“老師,您修復的這些記載著古老巫術和錯誤科學的文本,它們終究會被新的知識所取代,甚至明天的一場大火就能將它們化為烏有。您投入畢生的精力去對抗熵增,但熵增是宇宙的鐵律。您究竟在維護什麼?” 亞曆山大的迴答是沉默,或是通過他閱讀的古籍內容來迴應。他開始沉浸於對“永恒性”和“瞬間性”的思考。他迴憶起自己年輕時曾是一位充滿理想的建築師,試圖建造一座能抵抗洪水和戰爭的“永恒之塔”。但那座塔最終被商業利益和官僚主義腐蝕,成為一座平庸的水泥方塊。從那時起,他轉而投嚮瞭修復的藝術——一種對逝去之美的徒勞的、充滿敬意的抵抗。 作者在這裏引入瞭對“行為的重量”的探討。修復行為本身,其意義是否在於成果的持久性,還是在於投入其中的完全的、不計迴報的專注?亞曆山大認為,後者纔是真正的價值所在,因為那種專注,在那一刻,將外部世界的喧囂和最終的虛無感隔絕在外。 第二部分:失落的地圖與邊界的消融 小說的中段,敘事焦點轉嚮瞭亞曆山大生命中兩個關鍵的“失落”。 第一個失落:阿黛爾的缺席。 阿黛爾是亞曆山大青年時期深刻影響他思想的伴侶,一位研究古地圖學的語言學傢。她相信地圖並非描繪地理,而是描繪人類認知的邊界。阿黛爾在一次偏遠地區的考察中失蹤,沒有留下任何綫索,仿佛她主動抹去瞭自己的存在痕跡。亞曆山大的生活從此被一種“未完成”的狀態所定義。他不斷地在古籍的邊緣尋找與阿黛爾筆記相似的筆跡,這種尋找既是一種愛戀的延續,也是一種對“確定性”的執著。 第二個失落:身份的漂移。 亞曆山大發現自己無法在任何固定的“身份”中安頓下來。他是修復師、是哲學傢、是迴憶者,但他從未真正成為某一種標簽所定義的完整個體。小說通過他與卡爾的對話,探討瞭社會如何通過標簽來簡化復雜的人性。卡爾試圖將亞曆山大的生活提煉成一個清晰的“導師”形象,以便於他撰寫畢業論文。亞曆山大則通過講述自己修復過程中遇到的那些模糊不清的、跨越瞭文化和時代界限的文本,來抗拒被歸類。 在這一部分,作者巧妙地將哲學思考融入到對物理環境的描寫中。修道院的濕氣不僅腐蝕著紙張,也模糊瞭亞曆山大記憶中的清晰界限。他開始分不清哪些記憶是真實的經曆,哪些是他在閱讀古代編年史時産生的移情。 第三部分:灰燼與未來的呼吸 故事的高潮並非戲劇性的衝突,而是一場靜默的領悟。 一個暴風雨肆虐的夜晚,修道院的地下室發生瞭小規模的漏水。亞曆山大和卡爾不得不搶救一批極其珍貴的、記載著早期歐洲民間傳說的手稿。在泥濘和水浸的混亂中,亞曆山大意識到,抵抗時間的力量不在於如何“保存”那些物理實體,而在於如何“傳遞”那些蘊含其中的思想的火花。 他不再試圖將每一張紙恢復到“完美”的狀態。他允許部分字跡模糊,允許水漬成為曆史的印記。他理解到,真正的永恒,存在於那段需要解讀和闡釋的“模糊空間”中。每一次新的閱讀,都是一次思想的重生。 在小說的最後幾章,亞曆山大終於完成瞭那本煉金術手稿的修復。他沒有將其束之高閣,而是將其置於修道院圖書館最容易取閱的位置。他告訴卡爾:“我所做的,不是阻止它消亡,而是確保它在消亡之前,能盡可能多地被看見、被質疑、被誤解。價值不在於它存在瞭多久,而在於它在存在的期間,引發瞭多少思考。” 卡爾最終離開瞭修道院,帶著他從亞曆山大那裏學到的、關於“承擔無意義”的勇氣,去麵對他自己的未來。而亞曆山大,則留在瞭那片霧氣彌漫的河畔。他開始閱讀一本全新的、保存狀況極差的、幾乎無法辨認的殘捲。他的工作沒有停止,但他的心態已然改變——他不再是時間的敵人,而是時間的忠實記錄者。 《時間的灰燼》最終留下一個開放性的結尾:亞曆山大望著窗外,河麵上的霧氣似乎比以往任何時候都更厚重,但透過那層灰色的幕布,他似乎第一次清晰地看到瞭,生命中那些看似“輕盈”的選擇,纔是構成他存在的真正“重量”。小說沒有提供任何安慰性的答案,它隻是邀請讀者,進入到亞曆山大那間堆滿脆弱曆史的屋子中,一同感受知識的沉重,以及麵對虛無時的那份平靜的清醒。