具體描述
Iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity Esther Perel returns with a provocative look at relationships through the lens of infidelity.
Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about the human heart—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations.
An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. Adultery has existed since marriage was invented, and so too the prohibition against it—in fact, it has a tenacity that marriage can only envy. So what are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book.
For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart.
Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”
用戶評價
##"All suffering prepares one for vision" // 故事想起來都心碎，道理討論起來又眼界大開（所以relationship的參與者都是在深挖“自我”+negotiate customized contract，要不然怎麼說relationship is so hard...啊我的腦子要壞掉瞭）
評分##4.5 Perel opens up a taboo conversation that should've been held a long time ago. With her professional, profound and insightful prose, Perel seeks to neither judge the unfaithful nor justify the action of philandering; her kind and wise words encourage us to take a dual perspective and anticipate the most imponderables. Highly recommended.
評分##"All suffering prepares one for vision" // 故事想起來都心碎，道理討論起來又眼界大開（所以relationship的參與者都是在深挖“自我”+negotiate customized contract，要不然怎麼說relationship is so hard...啊我的腦子要壞掉瞭）
評分##補碼。 外遇也是一個無可比擬的窗口，讓我們能夠窺見人類心中的裂縫。 但關於婚外情，作者其實沒有解答，陳列齣許多，利弊都有，但就是沒有答案，隻有建議，哪怕這是窺視自己的一個窗口，也彆走這條路。 monogamy原本就是違背人類天性的，既要承載愛，也要承載責任，更要框定人類欲望與好奇，實在是overloaded瞭的。 哪有人可以完美到滿足自己所有這些情感需求且能不停保持新鮮感，又得直到喪失性能力前都能對彼此身體感興趣，醒醒吧，絕大多數時候，婚姻不過妥協而已。
評分##existential affair的說法有意思，關係性質彼此明確的話，affair源於個人的existential crisis. 修補關係的溝通：分析需求而非執迷細節，investigative instead of detective approach.
評分##很好的兩性關係解讀，無論是否齣軌，都很有幫助。 書摘在此： https://readings.posthaven.com/the-end-of-jobs-by-taylor-pearson-by-esther-perel
評分##esther真的是這方麵的expert，非常有意思的一本書，傳統意義上並沒有對齣軌有一個統一的定義，書中講瞭很多很有意思的案例+成因，後期有點拖遝，整體讀得很開心
評分##想把孔老夫子的話變個順序說，未知死焉知生。沒想到是一本探討affair的書反而給我帶來瞭關於婚姻、兩性關係等話題頗不一樣的洞見和啓示。敏感的議題，富於同情心同理心以及專業知識（心理學、社會學、曆史、文化...ect.）的視角和執業態度，每一章節不同的關注點，大量的therapy案例等等。是一場過癮的閱讀體驗。
評分##esther真的是這方麵的expert，非常有意思的一本書，傳統意義上並沒有對齣軌有一個統一的定義，書中講瞭很多很有意思的案例+成因，後期有點拖遝，整體讀得很開心
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