具體描述
Iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity Esther Perel returns with a provocative look at relationships through the lens of infidelity.
Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about the human heart—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations.
An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. Adultery has existed since marriage was invented, and so too the prohibition against it—in fact, it has a tenacity that marriage can only envy. So what are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book.
For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart.
Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”
用戶評價
##4.5 Perel opens up a taboo conversation that should've been held a long time ago. With her professional, profound and insightful prose, Perel seeks to neither judge the unfaithful nor justify the action of philandering; her kind and wise words encourage us to take a dual perspective and anticipate the most imponderables. Highly recommended.
評分##"All suffering prepares one for vision" // 故事想起來都心碎，道理討論起來又眼界大開（所以relationship的參與者都是在深挖“自我”+negotiate customized contract，要不然怎麼說relationship is so hard...啊我的腦子要壞掉瞭）
評分##婚前必讀 安全駕駛
評分Thought provoking indeed. 跟她的前作Mating in Captivity比起來，這本書是基於前作並更加專攻infidelity。Esther Perel在這一方麵真的是我的偶像瞭，每次看她的書聽她的podcast都學到好多。她給的觀點都相當客觀，都有現實案例來支撐。Infidelity可以讓情侶們學到很多，但她並不建議大傢走這條路去吸取教訓；polyamory不是毫無規矩的縱欲，他們也有自己遵循的一套法則；很多時候infidelity是基於溝通失敗，權力關係失衡等等的緣由；有的關係可以在經曆外遇後存活，有的則不能，所以根本沒有一個完美的解決方案。最重要的還是明白戀愛關係中並沒有“占有權”，一切都是“租賃關係”，可以重新“續單”很好，不能重新“續單”要反思。
評分##寫作風格太散亂，例子太多，看不太下去瞭。不過得到一些啓發
評分Thought provoking indeed. 跟她的前作Mating in Captivity比起來，這本書是基於前作並更加專攻infidelity。Esther Perel在這一方麵真的是我的偶像瞭，每次看她的書聽她的podcast都學到好多。她給的觀點都相當客觀，都有現實案例來支撐。Infidelity可以讓情侶們學到很多，但她並不建議大傢走這條路去吸取教訓；polyamory不是毫無規矩的縱欲，他們也有自己遵循的一套法則；很多時候infidelity是基於溝通失敗，權力關係失衡等等的緣由；有的關係可以在經曆外遇後存活，有的則不能，所以根本沒有一個完美的解決方案。最重要的還是明白戀愛關係中並沒有“占有權”，一切都是“租賃關係”，可以重新“續單”很好，不能重新“續單”要反思。
評分Thought provoking indeed. 跟她的前作Mating in Captivity比起來，這本書是基於前作並更加專攻infidelity。Esther Perel在這一方麵真的是我的偶像瞭，每次看她的書聽她的podcast都學到好多。她給的觀點都相當客觀，都有現實案例來支撐。Infidelity可以讓情侶們學到很多，但她並不建議大傢走這條路去吸取教訓；polyamory不是毫無規矩的縱欲，他們也有自己遵循的一套法則；很多時候infidelity是基於溝通失敗，權力關係失衡等等的緣由；有的關係可以在經曆外遇後存活，有的則不能，所以根本沒有一個完美的解決方案。最重要的還是明白戀愛關係中並沒有“占有權”，一切都是“租賃關係”，可以重新“續單”很好，不能重新“續單”要反思。
評分##很好的兩性關係解讀，無論是否齣軌，都很有幫助。 書摘在此： https://readings.posthaven.com/the-end-of-jobs-by-taylor-pearson-by-esther-perel
評分##寫得有點亂吧，反正人類婚姻關係一整個沒意思。婚女開心就好
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